Skinship

Your competent child by Jesper Juul

I am reading Your competent child for the second time already. It is simply fantastic. I could easily write a post for each page in this book, but I will try first to just give you a short review in order to inspire you to read it. It is a life-changing book.

 

Jesper Juul, an internationally renown family therapist from Denmark, starts this book by explaining how the family structure has changed over the years and that we are at important crossroads. He explains why family shouldn’t be built on authoritarian force or democratic tyranny anymore but should rather encourage dignity and reciprocity between parent and child. He argues that children are competent to express their feelings from birth, and they are eager to cooperate. Even more, if they have to choose between preserving their own integrity and cooperation, they would almost always choose to cooperate with us. It is thus the parents who must “teach them how to look after themselves when they are interacting with others”. This book constantly reminds us to listen to and learn from our children. As one reviewer wrote on Amazon.com: “This is a book that helps you see with a child's eye, hear with a child's ear, and feel with a child's heart in ways that feel so natural and obvious, you will wonder why you haven't thought of them before. But trust me, you haven't”.

 

In this beautiful book author is using numerous real-life examples from his experience that bring his ideas even closer to our heart. He challenges parents to see parenting as an exciting time of growth and development. I couldn’t agree more with the reviewer who wrote: “This groundbreaking book should be on the shelf of all parents everywhere. If you read only one book on raising your child, this is the one.”

I can promise you that after finishing reading it you will want to read it again. First time I was reading it I was going through the lines as a child, analysing relationship with my parents. And only this time I am reading it from the parent’s perspective, learning even more about this magic but complex relationship that make us a family.

 

I recommended this book to many of my friends and I got couple of beautiful emails from them thanking me for pointing them to Juul. One friend wrote: “Juul is great. A real revelation. It is something that you already know deep down in your heart. But here it is…black on white, with examples. /…/ I can not thank you enough. And when my son grows up he will draw a picture for you, because this book has changed our lives.”

 

If you are interested you can read more about Jesper Juul and his Family Lab.

Baby signing workshop

Just to remind you...on Thursday 25th October 2007 between 9 am and 12 am Takatuka organises a baby signing workshop. It will take place in Vodnikova 30 in Ljubljana (across the street from Vegedrom).

You can read more about baby signing here and here.

I hope to meet you and your little ones on Thursday.

Activities for parents with babies and toddlers

Many of you are asking about workshops and other activities for pregnant women, where to find  childbirth preparation workshops, where to learn baby massage or baby signing, how to keep your toddler busy and much more. I have collected some of the contacts for those of you who live in Slovenia...you will be surprised how many things are going on. I have limited the list to the activities that support natural and attachment parenting and have been tested by our family or a trusted group of friends. I will be happy to read about your experience and please feel free to add your links as well.

Pilates center offers pregnancy pilates classes and great playgroups for mommies with babies (up to 8 months) as well as birth preparation with acupuncture therapy and pregnancy massage

Mojca Kurent offers baby massage lessons, natural family living consulting, pregnancy and post-partum massage, organic nutrition workshops and fantastic cooking classes  (without eggs, sugar and milk) for baby and adult food

Mamazofa (Naravni zacetki) organises workshops for pregnant women and expectant parents, cildbirth preparation classes, support groups and playgroups

Taktuka ofers workshops like babysiging, theatre, dance, playgroups and support groups for new mothers

Tamala  organises workshops for pregnant women and expectant parents, childbirth preparation classes, pregnancy exercise classes, parenting support groups and playgroups

Infant organises baby massage classes, baby handling workshops and pregnancy exercises

Storklja offers workshops for pregnant women and expectant parents, cildbirth preparation classes, dancing classes, nutrition workshops, support groups and playgroups

Fit Mami organises pregnancy and post partum excercise classes, great workshops for babies and toddlers including Bamberbam (music and dancing from 6 months) and Packo(painting from 2,5 years)

Vila Cira Cara (Pionirski dom)  playgroups and language lessons for toddlers

Terme Dobrna  offers acupuncture therapies during pregnancy and acupuncture as birth preparation

Ondina  organises natural birth preparation workshops

Vitacenter offers pregnancy therapies for body and soul and several nutrition and natural living workshops

Swimming for pregnant women and swimming for babies (from 4 months) and toddlers are organised at several locations all around the country

Devi center organises pregnancy yoga classes

G-rega organises sport activities for toddlers, young children and their parents. Activities include swimming, skiing, rollerblading, ABC movement for toddlers (on Slo and Eng), aqua fit and many others. Recently they have opened a brand new gym for children. Threy also organise holliday activities, birthday celebrations and much more.

 

Preparing for birth- the reading list

Here are three books that I usually recommend to my pregnant friends:

Ina May Gaskin: Ina May's Guide to Childbirth

Janet Balaskas: Active Birth

Penny Simkin: The Birth Partner

Winter is coming...it's time for mama jackets

If you are pregnant or are babywearing your little one, you will love those mama-jackets and mama-ponchos. They can be used all the way through pregnancy and are very useful when you are wearing your baby or toddler in any kind of soft carrier (slings, poches, mei-tais, etc.). You can carry your baby in front or at the back.
We are using mama poncho all the time...while baby wearing and also while Jun is in the stroller where it turns into a comfortable and warm blanket.

For more details, photos and purchasing click here.

Soft-soled shoes

When chosing baby's shoes we have to be aware that babies' and children's feet should be left alone as much as possible. Accordingly, shoes should be chosen for protection, not correction.

I quote the Canadian Pediatric Society: "The Community Paediatrics Committee no longer accepts the old belief that a baby must wear shoes soon after birth. Keeping a baby out of shoes in warm, dry conditions is a good idea because walking barefoot develops good toe gripping and muscular strength. Indeed, there is increasing evidence to suggest that wearing shoes in early childhood may be detrimental to the development of a normal longitudinal arch. Until toddlers have been walking for at least a few months, the only purpose of footwear is to protect the child’s feet and to offer some grip on a smooth surface. For prewalkers, shoes are not necessary... Shoes must fit the foot properly at the heel and allow enough room for the toes, leaving about 1.25 cm between the longest toe and the tip of the shoe, measured standing up. This allows for sufficient movement of the toes and reasonable room for growth. Never buy shoes unless the child is present to try them on. Soft-sole footwear for protection and warmth is appropriate."

In line with the studies (see the list of references), we can conclude that when children can not be left bare feet, the soft-soled shoes are the best choice for young developing feet. Here are the most common and widely available brands that vary in shape and prices. However, they are all made from quality natural materials and have been extensively tested by my little boy or his friends :-)

• Robeez
• Platypaws
• ShooShoos (in Slovenia you can order them here)
• Cute Baby Shoes
• Starchild (in Slovenia you can order them here)

For more references about the benefits of being bare foot or in soft shoes look at Canadian Pediatrics Society. Pediatrics and Child Health 1998; 3(5): 373, Reference No. CP98-02

In the womb

A fantastic documentary by National Geographic "In the Womb" shows the way from a single cell into a byby girl in just 38 weeks. By using 3D and 4D ultrasound scanning we can see the most dramatic period of human development inside the womb.

"From a single cell to a complex, self-sustaining organism. With ground-breaking photography, computer graphics, and 4-D imaging, "In the Womb" reveals this amazing process as the first heart cells begin to beat, the nerve cells flicker to life, and the senses develop."

I watched this movie when I was just couple of weeks pregnant and I kept watching it for the rest of the pregnancy...it really helps us understand the complexity of human life. I highly recommend it to all pregnant women.

You can watch a video preview here.

Recently two other videos were added: "In the womb: Multiples" and "In the womb: Animals".

Baby Sign workshop in Slovenia

I was writing about baby signs here and many of you were excited about the idea of learning baby sign. Well, we have tried learning it from the book but I really missed a workshop, where you can really see how it works.

After being excpected for a while...Slovenian parents will finally get the chance to learn and use baby sign language. My friend Veronika (the founder of TakaTuka) is organising the first workshop in Ljubljana. It will take place on 4th October between 6 and 8 p.m. and is suitable for parents with children between 7 months and 2 years.

I hope to meet some of you there :-)

Co-sleepers

For all of you who are trying to find an appropriate crib that will allow you to co-sleep with your baby, here are some options:

Foppapedretti, the Italian brand that can be bought all around Italy and also in some other countries offers a wide array of cribs, that can be easity turned into a co-sleeper and safely attached to your bed. You will find them under "Lettini Divanetto" and they come in all different colours and sizes.

The original Arm's Reach co-sleeper is probably the most known brand and it can be bought all around the world. I didn't really like their design but recently they have introduced several new designs, including a wooden one.

I have just found out that Ikea's cribs can be now turned into co-sleepers.

There are also several other producers that offer the option of completely removing one side of the crib so it can be attached to parents' bed. Or you can even make it yourself if you have some do-it-yourself skills :-)

We have one of Foppapedretti's co-sleepers but we haven't really started using it. We allways end up sqeezing in our bed but the co-sleeper serves perfectly as an extension of our little kingdom...giving us some extra space on the side and also protecting Jun from rolling off the bed when he is not sleeping between the two of us.

Pouch

I've just received an email from my friend who is asking which type of babycarrier she should reccommend to her friends who are to become the first-time parents. Since mommy is in a wheelchair they  are looking for a baby carrier that is comfortable and easy to use.

After trying several types I would deffinitely reccomend a puch-style carrier because it is the easiest to use- you just put it on as a shirt. You can easily keep it on the whole day and put your baby in and out when needed. This style of carrier is very comfortable when you are sitting.

I especially liked the adjustable fleece pouch by Kangaroo Korner. It is extremely snug and cosy for both you and the baby. The size is adjustable and this puch is growing with your child. They also have a cotton version for warmer days but I haven't tried it yet.

Another great puch made of stretch cotton is by Hotslings. It is also very comfortable but you need to be careful whith the sizing. They have a special section that will help you choose the right size.

I wish you all the best with pregnancy and birth and let us know how babywearing works for you. I am sure your little one will enjoy it.