Skinship

Are we ready for homeschooling?

It was a warm spring morning and I had to take some papers to the accountant. I was home alone with Jun and decided to take a challenge...to make a meeting with the accountant exciting for both of us, my two year old and myself.

He enjoyed the taxi drive and I was trying to explain where we are going but he didn't really listen. He was entertaining himself by counting the passing cars. When we arrived to the office the real fun began. He was exploring the office, playing with the stuff while I was going through the papers with the accountant. When he saw me stamp the documents, he got this special look "Oh, I have found the best new toy in the world!". So, for the rest of the meeting he has stamped every single paper he could find in the room. "Oh, that was smooth" I thought for a second, really surprised that I have just had a serious meeting with my boy running around. He took an apple on the way out and we had ten minutes on the sun before the taxi came.

We have headed to the town centre. I had some more things on my list that day. One of them was to go to the kindergarten to sign the papers because Jun was accepted to start kindergarten this fall. While we were walking around the building trying to find the entry I had a strange feel in my stomach but I somehow ignored it. When we came inside the garden Jun immediately saw the sandpit and  a ton  of toys inside...his target was set :-) While he was playing I was  observing the kids playing and the teachers talking. Everything was nice, but I still felt that strange feeling in my stomach. I have realised Jun was really into his play, so I sat there on the sun and I got those few minutes for myself. "Do I really want to put him to school at this age? Do I really want to be away from him most of the day? Are we ready to put our life on schedule? So many questions and only one answer. No! I felt at that precise moment that I want to stay home with my son for some more time.

We are doing great for now. I manage to do all of my work without being away from Jun for too long. We have a wondeful babysitter who comes couple of times a week and my mom jumps in when I have to teach in class. I try to do most of my work when Jun is sleeping or playing. But we still get those precious moments together...waking up slowly without an alarm, having breakfast together, breastfeeding before and after his nap, lunch at home or outside and a long walk with our dog. And at the end of the day this are the things that really matter to me. And I want to keep it this way for as long as possible.

And who knows, maybe we will end up homeschooling one day.

How to increase your milk supply?

A couple of my friends just became moms and they keep calling me for advice about breastfeeding. Well, I am not a lactation consultant, but after breastfeeding for almost two years I can give some useful advice. Here is one of my old posts and the points below are especially meant for new breastfeeding mothers.

Every breastfeeding mom knows them…the ups and downs in milk supply. In the first few months of my »breastfeeding career« there were days when milk was leaking and I had to use breast pads. There were days when the supply just met the demand. And there were also days when my breast was soft and felt completely empty. The first ones can be annoying but at least you are sure you have enough milk. The second ones are those that you don't even remember. But the last ones are those you will never forget…

What helped us through those low-supply days:

- Drink plenty of fluids. Put glasses with water or tea all around your home (especially on the places where you usually breastfeed). Also don't forget to drink during the night.

- Make a cup of herbal tea for breastfeeding mothers. Use the one in tea bags with no added sugar.

- Use some Weleda (or similar) oil for breasts and massage them. I use it every evening as it helps preventing tenderness. In couple of hours my brests are surprisingly full. I still don't know what's the magic behind it :-)

- Increase the frequency of feeding. On those days I try to put him on my breast every one or two hours. I often wear him in a sling so he can nurse as much as he wants.

- Try to increase skinship. Sleeping naked together is probably the best way to increase skin to skin contact. Baby massage and babywearing can also help.

- Relax. You probably worked too much the day before. Take some time and nap with your baby. A hot bath can also help.

- Put the pacifier out of your baby's mouth. If you are using a pacifier try not to use it on those days. Use your breast instead. It will signal your breasts that they need to produce more milk.

- Don't get stressed. Those days usually pass as quickly as the come. If you follow the advice your milk supply should increase in one or two days.

- Avoid negative advice. Don't get into those »Are you having enough milk?« discussions. They will probably try to convince you to give your baby some formula. But than your breasts will get the wrong message. Stay confident, and calm. If you need assistance surround yourself with positive and supportive people.

-  Call LLLI or contact your lactation consultatnt. If you have a question or just need to talk to someone knowledgable and experienced you should call La Leche League International. They have very kind and supportive consultants and support groups in most of the countries. For your local LLL contact their web page.

- Breastfeeding works on the principle of supply and demand. The more your baby sucks, the more milk you produce. But it doesn't happen in real time. It usually takes one to three days to reach the balance again. You have to be persistant.

I wish you to reach the balance soon. Good luck!

What are your experiences with breastfeeding? How do you increase milk supply? I will be happy to read you comments and ideas.

All about sleeping

Sleeping is probably the most controversial topic between young parents as well as between experts. I have tried to sum up some of the "old thruths" about sleeping and back it up with some of the latest research on this topic (mainly from neuroscience). The article is in Slovenian and it was recently published in a parenting magazine Iskrice (you can see and read the magazine by clicking on the link).

You can read it my article here.

Good night :-)

Your competent child by Jesper Juul

I am reading Your competent child for the second time already. It is simply fantastic. I could easily write a post for each page in this book, but I will try first to just give you a short review in order to inspire you to read it. It is a life-changing book.

 

Jesper Juul, an internationally renown family therapist from Denmark, starts this book by explaining how the family structure has changed over the years and that we are at important crossroads. He explains why family shouldn’t be built on authoritarian force or democratic tyranny anymore but should rather encourage dignity and reciprocity between parent and child. He argues that children are competent to express their feelings from birth, and they are eager to cooperate. Even more, if they have to choose between preserving their own integrity and cooperation, they would almost always choose to cooperate with us. It is thus the parents who must “teach them how to look after themselves when they are interacting with others”. This book constantly reminds us to listen to and learn from our children. As one reviewer wrote on Amazon.com: “This is a book that helps you see with a child's eye, hear with a child's ear, and feel with a child's heart in ways that feel so natural and obvious, you will wonder why you haven't thought of them before. But trust me, you haven't”.

 

In this beautiful book author is using numerous real-life examples from his experience that bring his ideas even closer to our heart. He challenges parents to see parenting as an exciting time of growth and development. I couldn’t agree more with the reviewer who wrote: “This groundbreaking book should be on the shelf of all parents everywhere. If you read only one book on raising your child, this is the one.”

I can promise you that after finishing reading it you will want to read it again. First time I was reading it I was going through the lines as a child, analysing relationship with my parents. And only this time I am reading it from the parent’s perspective, learning even more about this magic but complex relationship that make us a family.

 

I recommended this book to many of my friends and I got couple of beautiful emails from them thanking me for pointing them to Juul. One friend wrote: “Juul is great. A real revelation. It is something that you already know deep down in your heart. But here it is…black on white, with examples. /…/ I can not thank you enough. And when my son grows up he will draw a picture for you, because this book has changed our lives.”

 

If you are interested you can read more about Jesper Juul and his Family Lab.

Breastfeeding brings more night sleep

Recent Study by Therese Doan, Annelise Gardiner, Caryl Gay and Kathreen Lee reveals that breastfeeding brings more night sleep for parents. In their paper published in the Journal of Perinatal and Neonatal Nursing they explain that parents of infants who were breastfed slept an average 40 minutes more than parents of formula fed babies.

After reading the report of this study in the Mothering Magazine I did a simple pool among my friends and we agreed that in general breastfed babies do eat more often during the night than formula fed babies, but breastfeeding mothers (who are also co-sleeping) do not need to fully awake for nursing. I just pull a shirt and roll on the side...and fall back asleep while the little one has his snack or is calming down after a bad dream.

And every new mother knows how precious are those 40 minutes :-)

Natural living

A beautiful article by Peggy O'Mara from The Mothering Magazine. It's about how to have a natural and relaxed life, without rules to follow or feelings of guilt. It's simply about trusting yourself and your baby...

What is natural family living?

You can read all her "Quiet place" articles here.

Are we really raising independent children?

Lately I have been thinking a lot about independence. It's partly because Jun is becoming a toddler and independence discussions are part of it. What I am noticing is that there is a big confusion in using the word independence when talking about babies and toddlers. Here I am mostly taking about discussions in the family or between parents (here I exempt the psychologists and other scientists who have clear definitions of this term). Going back to my point…on one hand we talk about “functional independence” (I know the word is mostly used for handicapped children, but it seems to best describe what I mean), which is supposed to be reflected in child’s ability to walk, get dressed, eat alone, help with the household chores, stand up for himself etc. of course depending on his age and developmental stage and on the other hand we talk about emotional independence, which basically means that a child can self-soothe, fall asleep alone, stay away from parents for prolonged periods of time, etc..

In our culture both meanings are often being “squeezed” into one word, namely independence. And since independence is on of the highly valued skills in our culture, we are urged to force our children to sleep in their own room, to self-soothe and fall asleep by themselves, to wean from the breast, start walking and so on. And we do this with our best intentions, thinking that we are doing our kids a big favor. It sounds simple and logical: if independence is important for one’s success in life, why not teaching him independence as early as possible.

But humans are complex and there are slightly more complicated processes behind all this. There are numerous studies explaining how parenting practices and child-rearing approaches influence human brain and some of them have been beautifully explained in the

Sunderland’s book What every parent needs to know.

Some interesting findings are also described in Commons’s and Miller’s paper (both from Harvard Medical School). Just to give you a hint, here is a short quote from their epilogue:

“One implication is that cultures that train for independence, and therefore self-responsibility,risk having more PTSD (post-traumatic-stress-disporder) later in life. That is because these cultures do not support infants (nor adults) during stressful and traumatic events to the same extent as do cultures that emphasize dependence and mutual support. Whether distressed or not, Individuals are isolated or separated and do not experience as much physical contact, which is known to be soothing (it has been shown to reduce blood pressure and so on). Early stressful practices may produce lasting effects, as these areas of the brain are still developing. As has been suggested by numerous investigators, the pathways that remain in place after early development are very determined by experience (as summarized in Todd et al., 1995). There may therefore be permanent alterations in stress-related neurotransmitter systems (such as the release of higher levels of cortisol).”

To conclude, I just wanted to show that it is great that we are helping our children to become independent in terms of "technical" or "functional" skills. But this does by no means imply that we should force them into emotional independence before their time. By practicing child-led-weaning (in all aspects: weaning from breast, sleeping and self-soothing, being separated from parents during the day, etc.) we can help to raise highly independent and emotinally stable individuals that will be able to better manage stress and trauma later in life.

As Sunderland (2006) beautifully says: "Perhaps fuelled by a fear of our own dependency, our parenting traditions can push children into early separations." (p. 52)

Baby signing workshop

Just to remind you...on Thursday 25th October 2007 between 9 am and 12 am Takatuka organises a baby signing workshop. It will take place in Vodnikova 30 in Ljubljana (across the street from Vegedrom).

You can read more about baby signing here and here.

I hope to meet you and your little ones on Thursday.

Activities for parents with babies and toddlers

Many of you are asking about workshops and other activities for pregnant women, where to find  childbirth preparation workshops, where to learn baby massage or baby signing, how to keep your toddler busy and much more. I have collected some of the contacts for those of you who live in Slovenia...you will be surprised how many things are going on. I have limited the list to the activities that support natural and attachment parenting and have been tested by our family or a trusted group of friends. I will be happy to read about your experience and please feel free to add your links as well.

Pilates center offers pregnancy pilates classes and great playgroups for mommies with babies (up to 8 months) as well as birth preparation with acupuncture therapy and pregnancy massage

Mojca Kurent offers baby massage lessons, natural family living consulting, pregnancy and post-partum massage, organic nutrition workshops and fantastic cooking classes  (without eggs, sugar and milk) for baby and adult food

Mamazofa (Naravni zacetki) organises workshops for pregnant women and expectant parents, cildbirth preparation classes, support groups and playgroups

Taktuka ofers workshops like babysiging, theatre, dance, playgroups and support groups for new mothers

Tamala  organises workshops for pregnant women and expectant parents, childbirth preparation classes, pregnancy exercise classes, parenting support groups and playgroups

Infant organises baby massage classes, baby handling workshops and pregnancy exercises

Storklja offers workshops for pregnant women and expectant parents, cildbirth preparation classes, dancing classes, nutrition workshops, support groups and playgroups

Fit Mami organises pregnancy and post partum excercise classes, great workshops for babies and toddlers including Bamberbam (music and dancing from 6 months) and Packo(painting from 2,5 years)

Vila Cira Cara (Pionirski dom)  playgroups and language lessons for toddlers

Terme Dobrna  offers acupuncture therapies during pregnancy and acupuncture as birth preparation

Ondina  organises natural birth preparation workshops

Vitacenter offers pregnancy therapies for body and soul and several nutrition and natural living workshops

Swimming for pregnant women and swimming for babies (from 4 months) and toddlers are organised at several locations all around the country

Devi center organises pregnancy yoga classes

G-rega organises sport activities for toddlers, young children and their parents. Activities include swimming, skiing, rollerblading, ABC movement for toddlers (on Slo and Eng), aqua fit and many others. Recently they have opened a brand new gym for children. Threy also organise holliday activities, birthday celebrations and much more.

 

Winter is coming...it's time for mama jackets

If you are pregnant or are babywearing your little one, you will love those mama-jackets and mama-ponchos. They can be used all the way through pregnancy and are very useful when you are wearing your baby or toddler in any kind of soft carrier (slings, poches, mei-tais, etc.). You can carry your baby in front or at the back.
We are using mama poncho all the time...while baby wearing and also while Jun is in the stroller where it turns into a comfortable and warm blanket.

For more details, photos and purchasing click here.