Skinship

Preparing older siblings for homebirth

Great book by Crissy Butler, Australian author and doula, that will help your family prepare for the birth of a new member. We have read the book several times with our son Jun before his little brother was born and we all loved it. The illustrations are amazing.

"My Brother Jimi Jazz begins with a family preparing for the home birth of Jimi Jazz, told from the perspective of his sister. The family work together to wash the cloth nappies, cook meals for the baby moon and ready the family bed.

Once the scene is set in glorious imagery painted both by the authors words and her amazing artwork, we experience the birth of Jimi Jazz. The birth is assisted by a lovely full moon, an active Mum, a doting Dad and the care of two midwives."

You can order it online here.

The future of education

Today I have spent a wonderful day at Stanford d.school and I am more than convinced that this is how the future classroom should look like...from kindergarten on.

Here is a recent article from Forbes The classroom in 2020.

European girl (ups, mama) in the US

After one week in the US I am still recovering from the cultural shock :-) Everything is at least twice as big as in Europe...and I mean everything, from bottles to cars, not to mention the distances.

We are currently living with our friends in a beautiful house in the Los Gatos mountains. It's such a pure nature, with deer and squirels all around the house and a lake just around the corner. Beautiful and relaxing. Jun is enjoying his time with a big dog and two cats, but they obviously can not "replace" his darling Shana. He is talking about her all the time.

But those of you who know us can imagine that afterw few relaxing days we had to take a new challenge...

We have spent the whole week searching for a flat in the heart of Sillicon Valley (Palo Alto/Menlo Park) and it was all new experience. After seeing the first three places I had to drop my European standards by 200%...no central heating, no tight windows, no brick houses and hard-wood floor seems as extinguished as some rare species. OK, I can survive with a wall-to-wall carpet but the place we will eventually rent needs some charm and it needs to be downtown. So, we kept looking. The renting experience is a very special experience down here...when you come to see the place, there are usually already few Stanford students looking at it and than you can add a couple or two and a professional single. This quickly puts your chances to actually getting the place to about 10%. But than you realise the chances are even lower, because it doesn't have much to do with combinatorics, but it more depends on your luck. So after you (and all other potential reners) decide you like the place the process includes everything from application forms (that you actually need to pay!!!), bank reports, personal references and so on. And than you wait for the results and you keep looking in the meantime.

Yesterday we have scheduled three appointments and in the evening when I have almost given up we found it. A cute little (I should actually say tiny) cottage in a quiet and green street downtown Palo Alto just few blocks from the University Ave. It has a patio and a little garden...and if I am honest, this was the real reason to rent this place. Jun will finally get some place for gardening and his own swing outside. Surprisingly, this was the first place he liked and he started calling it "hišica" (small house). We have celebrated our new home with some juice and cookies sitting on a carpet in an empty flat. And than we have realised that we have forgotten to ask about the laundry. (Who could blame a European who owns a washing machine and has never thought about it as a luxury). Well, we have just realised there is no washing machine in our new flat and no laundry in a near proximity :-(

Today we faced a new challenge...to buy all the stuff we need to move in. From furniture, bedding, towels, dishes, glasses, knives. The small stuff was easy to find (although there is so much offer to choose from that I instantly got a headache :-) but when it came to the furniture we had to face a different metric system. So I ended up recalculating from inches to centimeters and back until I gave up and started relying on my gut feeling. Let's see if we will fit the sofa and the bed inside the room :-)

Tomorow we are going to San Francisco. Can't wait.

Are we ready for homeschooling?

It was a warm spring morning and I had to take some papers to the accountant. I was home alone with Jun and decided to take a challenge...to make a meeting with the accountant exciting for both of us, my two year old and myself.

He enjoyed the taxi drive and I was trying to explain where we are going but he didn't really listen. He was entertaining himself by counting the passing cars. When we arrived to the office the real fun began. He was exploring the office, playing with the stuff while I was going through the papers with the accountant. When he saw me stamp the documents, he got this special look "Oh, I have found the best new toy in the world!". So, for the rest of the meeting he has stamped every single paper he could find in the room. "Oh, that was smooth" I thought for a second, really surprised that I have just had a serious meeting with my boy running around. He took an apple on the way out and we had ten minutes on the sun before the taxi came.

We have headed to the town centre. I had some more things on my list that day. One of them was to go to the kindergarten to sign the papers because Jun was accepted to start kindergarten this fall. While we were walking around the building trying to find the entry I had a strange feel in my stomach but I somehow ignored it. When we came inside the garden Jun immediately saw the sandpit and  a ton  of toys inside...his target was set :-) While he was playing I was  observing the kids playing and the teachers talking. Everything was nice, but I still felt that strange feeling in my stomach. I have realised Jun was really into his play, so I sat there on the sun and I got those few minutes for myself. "Do I really want to put him to school at this age? Do I really want to be away from him most of the day? Are we ready to put our life on schedule? So many questions and only one answer. No! I felt at that precise moment that I want to stay home with my son for some more time.

We are doing great for now. I manage to do all of my work without being away from Jun for too long. We have a wondeful babysitter who comes couple of times a week and my mom jumps in when I have to teach in class. I try to do most of my work when Jun is sleeping or playing. But we still get those precious moments together...waking up slowly without an alarm, having breakfast together, breastfeeding before and after his nap, lunch at home or outside and a long walk with our dog. And at the end of the day this are the things that really matter to me. And I want to keep it this way for as long as possible.

And who knows, maybe we will end up homeschooling one day.

Familylab Slovenija

Those of you who are wondering what I am doing now with all of my free time...here is a brand new web page of our new project called Familylab. It was launched just a couple of hours ago.

Visit us at http://www.familylab.si

Children's books

Since I was very little I had a special love for books and my mom has kept all of my children's books. When she said it will one day be for my kids I though she is a bit odd to save al this stuff but now, when I am browsing through those books with my son it makes me remember my childhood...piece by piece. My favourite characters, favourite rhymes and my own imaginary world.

We love to read together and we take him to the library every week and he is so proud when he can pick his own books and take them home. He loves those with animals...hen and peacock are absolute winners :-)

Which are your children's favourites?

Life after...

Life is slowly getting back into let's call it "normal" tracks. I have finally got some good night sleep, went to the dentist after a long time, tried bioresonance and enjoyed Franklin method, have payed the bills for the past few months, cleaned my desktop and my desk, bough some "new" Second Chance clothes and did some teaching and supervision with my students in between. I went out with my darling husband three times- sauna, cinema and one great party. And most importantly I finally have more time for Jun, Shana and mayself.

It took me a week to realise I don't have to work late evenings anymore, unless I really want to :-) But my new "free time" project is so exciting that I am thinking about it 24/7. As soon as the web page is finished I will post more details...for now, I can only tell you that it is a great parenting project that I really believe in. More details coming soon.

My PhD journey

I have successfully defended my PhD thesis on Friday...

On Thursday when I was driving to the airport to pick up my Danish supervisor I had 45min for myself, just enough to go through the past 6 years. It all started when I have returned from my exchange year in France. It was during this exciting year of multi-cultural experience, fresh teaching approaches, teamwork and relaxed professors that I have started considering an academic career. Upon returning home I started working at a corporate finance department in a national bank, but I have soon realised that 8-5 schedule and financial issues can not keep me excited enough to choose a banking career.

My supervisor at the University invited me to join an international research project. I said yes without really knowing what it was all about. And there I was...completely inexperienced with only slight idea of the research topic and almost no clue about the methodological issues. Next four years were exciting, full of new experience, research meetings all over Europe, long interviews in companies and endless hours in front of computer. Back then I thought that was fairly hard work, but now I know I was just warming up for the real thing.

In autumn 2005 I realized I have only two more years to complete my thesis and I didn't have anything except the data. Some colleagues said that this is the most important part, but I knew there is still a long way to go. While trying to focus my energy on studying and isolating from everyday distractions my life crashed down just in front of me. My 10-year relationship came to an end and suddenly I couldn't even think about the most basic things in life. At that point the thesis was definitely not at the top of my priority list.

But when we think we have hit the lowest point, life always turns for the better. I fell in love with a wonderful man but our relationship wasn't as straight forward as our feelings. Both coming out of long relationship we needed some time to unite. I knew I had to leave for a while...for the sake of our relationship, for the sake of my thesis and most importantly for the sake of my well-being. I have packed some basic stuff, a ton of books and a laptop, rented out my flat and went to Denmark.

I was crying on the plane and I thought why the h*** do I have to leave now. Wouldn't be easier to stay at home, close to my friends and my family who could support me through those turbulent life changes. But I felt this was the right choice. I have two very close friends in Denmark, who helped me incredibly during those months. I have spent most of the days studying and most of the nights writing. But they made me go to a gym or a coffee break or dinner outside :-) And there were two of my students at the exchange program in Copenhagen, who came over with some beer from time to time and allways made me laugh. The days passed and I finally felt that I have made some progress with the thesis. But I also felt that my personal life sucks. This is probably what every PhD student feels at a certain point in the process- it is the price for dedicated work :-).

I have returned home during the summer, relaxed and ready for new challenges. We have moved in together and I have soon found myself pregnant. This has put the whole "thesis project" in a new perspective. The next two years were beautiful, filled with strong emotions and love for my two boys. But everyday was hard, juggling between Jun and the thesis but my motivation was high. Sometimes, there were days when I thought I will never finish it, but the support of my dear friends and family gave me the courage to continue. I will not name you all who went with me through this long process, but I will try to be there for you when you will need me.

The last two years were especially hard for my husband and son, who had to live with me on those bad PhD days.  When Jun finally fell asleep we went to each others computer and we have worked endless hours night after night. His incredible energy and passion inspired me to continue.  He has challenged me every single day by asking "Do you really love what you are doing?" And often the answer was not clear. Sometimes the data was not as planned, the analysis was harder as expected, the writing took longer as planned and it would be the easiest to quit. Sometimes supervisors' comments were tougher as desired but helped me improve the thesis considerably. A special thanks goes to people who have guided me through the process and provided me with a constructive comments.

And there they were past Friday...people who all somehow contributed to this "collective" project came to support and encourage me on this big day. And we have celebrated long into the Saturday morning. Thank you all for being with me on this exciting PhD journey.

Here is a short qote from the epilogue of my thesis:

"Doing research is comparable to learning how to walk. First, we are shy and we slowly explore the environment, step-by-step we gain the confidence and decide to reach the object on the other side of the room. It seems impossible, but slowly we can reach it. And every day we go a bit further, exploring new dimensions of the world. In research, it is just the same. We spend an incredible amount of time browsing through books and piles of papers, slowly exploring a scientific area and just when we think that everything has been already discovered and that there is not much to investigate, an interesting research question pops into our head. And before even thinking, we find ourselves on an exciting path of scientific research. The days pass by and we are more and more confident, doing one step after another toward the completion of the dissertation. But every day, we are more aware of how much it is still unknown and how many questions still need to be answered. And this is what keeps us going. An incredible curiosity that motivates us to explore, discover and learn."

A day in my life

You must be wondering why there are no posts on my blog lately. I have an exciting new project going on (more info coming soon) and at the same time I am intensively preparing for the defense of my doctoral dissertation next week.

I have also decided to change this blog a little bit...making it more personal. I will add a new category "A day in my life" where I will share with you all the exciting things that happen in a life of a mother of one little boy, owner of a hyperactive dog and wife of an entrepreneur. I hope you will enjoy it.

Here is a short story from our trip to Japan, which was published in a new parenting magazine Iskrice.