My PhD journey

I have successfully defended my PhD thesis on Friday...

On Thursday when I was driving to the airport to pick up my Danish supervisor I had 45min for myself, just enough to go through the past 6 years. It all started when I have returned from my exchgange year in France. It was during this exciting year of multi cultural experience, fresh teaching approaches, teamwork and relaxed professors that I have started considering an academic career. Upon returning home I started working at a corporate finance department in a national bank, but I have soon relaised that 8h-17h schedule and financial issues can not keep me excited enough to choose a banking career.

My supervisor at the University invited me to join an international research project. I said yes without really knowing what it was all about. And there I was...completely inexperienced with only slight idea of the research topic and almost no clue about the methodological issues. Next four years were exciting, full of new experience, research meetings all over Europe, long interviews in companies and endless hours in front of computer. Back then I thought that was fairly hard work, but now I know I was just warming up for the real thing.

In autumn 2005 I realised I have only two more years to complete my thesis and I didn't have anything except the data. Some collegues said that this is the most important part, but I knew there is still a long way to go. While trying to focus my energy on studying and isolating from everyday distractions my life crashed down just in front of me. My 10-year relationship came to an end and suddenly I couldn't even think about the most basic things in life. At that point the thesis was deffinitely not at the top of my priority list.

But when we think we have hit the lowest point, life allways turns for the better. I fell in love with a wonderful men but our relationship wasn't as straight forward as our feelings. Both coming out of long relationship we needed some time to unite. I knew I had to leave for a while...for the sake of our relationship, for the sake of my thesis and most importantly for the sake of my well-being. I have packed some basic stuff, a ton of books and a laptop, rented out my flat and went to Denmark.

I was crying on the plane and I thought why the h*** do I have to leave now. Wouldn't be easier to stay at home, close to my friends and my family who could support me through those turbulent life changes. But I felt this was the right choice. I have two very close friends in Denmark, who helped me incredibly during those months. I have spent most of the days studying and most of the nights writing. But they made me go to a gym or a coffee break or dinner outside :-) And there were two of my students at the exchange programme in Copenhagen, who came over with some beer from time to time and allways made me laugh. The days passed and I finally felt that I have made some progress with the thesis. But I also felt that my prsonal life sucks. This is probably what every PhD student feels at a certain point in the process- it is the price for dedicated work :-).

I have returned home during the summer, relaxed and ready for new challenges. We have moved in together and I have soon found myself pregnant. This has put the whole "thesis project" in a new perspective. The next two years were beautiful, filled with strong emotions and love for my two boys. But everyday was hard, juggling between Jun and the thesis but my motivation was high. Sometimes, there were days when I thought I will never finish it, but the support of my dear friends and family gave me the courage to continue. I will not name you all who went with me through this long process, but I will try to be there for you when you will need me.

The last two years were especially hard for my husband and son, who had to live with me on those bad PhD days.  When Jun finally fell asleep we went to each other's computer and we have worked endless hours night after night. His incredible energy and passion inspired me to continue.  He has challenged me every single day by asking "Do you really love what you are doing?" And often the answer was not clear. Sometimes the data was not as planned, the analysis was harder as expected, the writing took longer as planned and it would be the easiest to quit. Sometimes supervisors' comments were tougher as desired but helped me improve the thesis considerably. A special thanks goes to people who have guided me through the process and provided me with a constructive comments.

And there they were past Friday...people who all somehow contributed to this "collective" project came to support and encourage me on this big day. And we have celebrated long into the Saturday morning. Thank you all for being with me on this exciting PhD journey.

Here is a short qote from the epilogue of my thesis:

"Doing research is comparable to learning how to walk. First, we are shy and we slowly explore the environment, step-by-step we gain the confidence and decide to reach the object on the other side of the room. It seems impossible, but slowly we can reach it. And every day we go a bit further, exploring new dimensions of the world. In research, it is just the same. We spend an incredible amount of time browsing through books and piles of papers, slowly exploring a scientific area and just when we think that everything has been already discovered and that there is not much to investigate, an interesting research question pops into our head. And before even thinking, we find ourselves on an exciting path of scientific research. The days pass by and we are more and more confident, doing one step after another toward the completion of the dissertation. But every day, we are more aware of how much it is still unknown and how many questions still need to be answered. And this is what keeps us going. An incredible curiosity that motivates us to explore, discover and learn."

Comments

[Sasa]

Dear Anja,

CONGRATULATIONS! I'm really happy for you. And I hope you'll take some time off now :) I must admitt that your writing inspired me and filled me with optimism; I think I'll print it and put it on every door in my appartement :) (as I'm going through very difficult part of my life).
HUG! Saša

[metka]

Anja!
BRAVO, from me, Grisa and Filip too! You are a great inspiration for me (and a little bad conscience too :). PhD mummy (great mummy!)-almost impossible to achieve. Thank you for your beautiful writing, I hope that some day I will end my PhD journey too. Now we (and specially our children) are waiting for your next projects...
A kiss and hug for you! Metka

[Anja]

Thank you girls. I am really happy if my experience can help you go through the writing process more smoothly .
PhD often feels more like an emotional battle than a mind challenge :-). GOOD LUCK to both of you.
Anja

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